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28      MTV VMA 2003

The MTV VMA(Video Music Award) wrap-up is here for y’all, folks, from the West to the East, from the North to the South.

The 2003 MTV VMA was hosted by Chris Rock whose voice could be heard as far as ten-avenue distance (of course by now we all know that avenues are longer than streets — in New York City case). His punchlines were so British, meaning very upfront, brutal, critical, insensitive, sarcastic, sadistic, cynical — you name it. Highlights:

- “What’s the deal with MTV that has more non-music related shows like ‘Real World’, ‘Made’ even ‘Punk’d’?” — commenting on the MTV which does not air enough music videos these days.

- “Justin Timberlake was crying a river when he was punk’d by Ashton Kutcher (the host of the show ‘Punk’d’), he became white when he was told he was broke”. When revealed that he was punk’d, he turned black again, “Aw, dawg, I knew that”.

- On ‘Punk’d’ once again “I want to see them try to punk DMX. “DMX, you’ve been punked”. “Oh yeah, you’ve been stabbed”.

- On Ashton Kutcher “My man’s a pimp. He’ll take your girlfriend and your mother. He literally is a motherfucker. I don’t even think he’s in love with Demi Moore. Maybe he’s just trying to punk Bruce Willis.”

- On ‘Making the Band’ featuring P.Diddy. “You get to see Puff Daddy be a mentor to the children. Who better than Puff Daddy to show the kids wrong from wronger?”.

- “Seeing Janet Jackson with Jermaine Dupri is like finding out about a sale a day too late”. “Damn, I had a shot. It’s like finding out they had a sale on Bentley for four dollars each two days after” on the romance between the bombshell Jackson and the diminutive hip-hopper.

- “I don’t know where Ruben is, but I hope he’s eating salad now” — on the overweight Ruben Studdard, winner of the American Idol and deaths of overweight singers.

- On seating arrangements “You have the Olsen twins over there, so then you got to put R.Kelly way up there.”

- “Our next presenter is being sued by more people than the Catholic church. Give it up for P.Diddy!”

- On Paula Abdul judging a singing contest “It’s like getting Christopher Reeves to judge a dance contest.”

- “You’ll be hearing those songs at strip clubs for years to come”, after Christina Aguilera performed one of her songs “Dirrty.”

- “Our next presenter saves a lot of money on Mother’s Day. Give it up for Eminem!” — opening lines for Eminem who ditched his mother for years.

- On the ‘Queer Eye’ guys “Our next five presenters make a living out of dressing up the guys who beat them up in high school. Give it up for the gay Beatles.”

- “Wow, I hope y’all didn’t slit your wrists to that one” after Coldplay’s melancholy performance.

In short, Chris Rock rocked!

Another so-called highlight was performance by Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. So what if Madonna kissed Britney and then turned to Christina and kissed her too? A girl-on-girl action did not rock our world.

Even Justin Timberlake gave a lame look on seeing Britney, his ex, being kissed by Madonna. It was nonetheless predictable.

Last but not least, give MTV a credit for having (L-R) Duran-duran, Jay-Z, the legendary birdman Tony Hawk, Jimmy Falon, the gay quartet from “The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and Beyonce in the house.